Disheartened.

Everybody can misunderstand me, but you can't and shouldn't , my dearest mum. Do you know how hurtful your words were? You said that i am selfish, i have no manners for the elders, i have very bad tempers, i do not treasure kinship ... What? do you really understand me in the first place? I am who i am .  I was just sharing my thoughts with you about the interview i had earlier on and the teacher told me that i can improve on my eye contacts. Then, what did you say?  You mentioned that i am always like that even to my fam members/relatives and that's very sickening  Hello, mum you shouldn't have use the word " sickening" . I  told you before, i have this fear of looking right into someone eyes. You know the reasons, don't you? Perhaps, you just can't be bothered. Again, you said that i do not communicate well with people and you. Hello, for 18 years,  i have been living this way. I am constantly improving myself, but you just don't see it. Whenever i talk, you said that i have no manners, then when i chose to keep quiet, you asked me why do i want to isolate myself. What do you want me to do exactly?  and yes, i am in the ECH field, but you don't assume that i am good with kids/children. Please, don't think highly of me. 我很累了。当连你父母亲都不相信你时。 都误会你时， 你真的是彻底的失败了. 做什么事都不对， 说什么也都错， 你们到底要我怎么样？算了， 决定了， 封闭自己是最好的办法， 自己的问题， 自己的秘密， 自己知道就好。 I am really really sad. I have never felt this way before. I really cannot take it anymore. I swear, i am literally crying right now. I often find it silly for people to type these asshole things in their blogs when they have their parents to talk to, now i understand them. i really do. When your parents are not on your side, there's nothing you can do anymore.